Love is not a scorecard that keep score of who made what kind of contributions. It does not demand a relationship balance sheet that tallies before it opens it’s doors.
This approach to love, plain as a loaf of bread, is also the key to how you view your self-worth. You are lovable not because you have paid paid your dues, but because you are who you are and am simply here.
When we accept that, the thought needing to sacrifice in exchange for love becomes less a badge and more a burden we can push off a cliff.
Too often we see love as an exchange. I sacrifice my time, sweat, tears and resources, and in return, I may be worthy to receive love. This story, often told in movies, conditions our minds and emotions to measure worth with what we offer up. Some to the point that they don’t even know why they are making sacrifices anymore.
But whether you are worthy of the love and attention of someone is not a commodity metered in a taxi. Love does not have a transaction logic for it to be true.
Believing you must sacrifice yourself or your resources to be worthy of love makes kindness a currency and leaves the heart lethargic. It teaches us to hide who we really are to trade pieces of ourselves for emotional safety.
There’s nothing that looks like love in that. It’s more akin to negotiation under duress.
Real giving come from the heart. And comes from the free-will to give without any hidden agenda. No expectations of love. And no expectations of favors in return. When you offer yourself without first giving up yourself, you practice a purer generosity that asks nothing in return.
Give because you want to. Not because you need to.
Love that only rewards sacrifice is built on fragile foundations. Love that asks for nothing in return builds durable relationships. To live beloved, then, is to learn that being yourself is not selfish but sufficient.
The next time you are going to make sacrifices for someone, ask yourself “Am I doing this thing because I’m expected to in exchange for someone’s approval? Or am I doing it because I want to do it and expect nothing in return?”
Yet it is wrong to dismiss sacrifice entirely. Sometimes giving up comfort necessary. The point is that sacrifice should be a choice that comes from a place of abundance, not a tax extracted from fear.
When you act from fullness within, you avoid chipping away at your self-worth. When you act from believing your worth must be proven, resentment can be brewing below the surface.
You need not suffer or make sacrifices you don’t want to to be loved.
Change how you ask, how you receive, how you forgive. Stop cajoling for care and start living in it. You may find it tough at first. But each time you refuse to barter your essence for affection, you strengthen the belief that you are worthy by being who you are.